Phone A Friend: Toxic Relationship


Don’t Help.

We’ve all had a friend who’s been in a toxic relationship. You can spot the fumes of a disaster from a mile away. Since you’re their closest friend, you believe it’s your job to throw that “S” on your chest and save the day. All your focus goes into saving your friend. You want them to experience true happiness and you know it isn’t in who they are with.

So, you pick at their significant other, threaten them, distance yourself, argue with your friend, give them endless speeches, yet nothing gets them to leave that person. So what do you do? NOTHING! Leaving a toxic relationship is like getting over a drug addiction. But,they need that high.

The high of being with someone. Thinking it’s love. Better than being alone. It just makes sense to stay addicted. Getting your friend to stop takes a lot of time, patience, and strength; something your friend lacks. You’re getting whiplash from watching them run back and forth between freedom and destruction

I understand it may break your heart watching from a distance as your friend’s life crumbles from this relationship, but it is not your job to help them. As much as you want to drag your friend, your sister, or your brother, out of that relationship it can’t be done by you. If they can’t see there is something better for themselves there is nothing you can do to help them see.

Unlike Bird Box, forcing their eyes open will not help them see the beauty in the ugly monster that they are with. Whatever higher power they believe in is the only thing that can save them. Their strength comes from within and above. Whatever their above might be; however, you are not it.

Love Them.

As J. Cole once said, “Don’t save her, cause she don’t wanna be saved.” But he forgot to add “only she can save herself.” And that’s the truth. Be patient with your friend. Understand that venting is not asking for a solution but lending an ear to listen. Realize that she needs support and not more abuse.

They will remember that more than the arguments you both have over that toxic person. When they are finally fed up and ready to leave and have gathered enough real strength to make one of the biggest choices in their life (because venturing to the unfamiliar will scare anyone), they’ll thank you for all your love and support.