It was 12 a.m. on a Wednesday. I stopped to get gas on the way back from the gym. I pulled into the gas station and I saw that my friend David texted me. He was informing me of the infidelity of my current “bae”. We’ll call him Phil. Let me give you guys a little background. At that exact time, Phil was sleeping with someone else (also a friend of mine). Yea, I know! How could he right? What a jerk. At that very moment while getting gas, I decided to remove Phil from my life. I couldn’t do it anymore. And to think he brought me so much happiness in my life. I was glued to him like I couldn’t believe but, I had to do it. Here’s how you can too.
#1. Recognize the toxicity; yours and theirs.
You see, Phil and I were only talking for about 4 months. And, we talked every day. We definitely cared for one another. However, being gay and apart, our needs often came over ourselves and we were able to remove sex from feelings.
This was not applicable to Phil and I. We never declared having an open relationship. I acted accordingly because I didn’t want to hurt him. Phil was not a subscriber to this thought. He slept with several people, including David, and attempted to hide it. Being the genius that I am, I always found out about his infidelity and found myself caving into his excuses. My friends saw me going crazy but, I didn’t listen. Somehow, I realized his lack of maturity wasn’t up to my standards.
#2 Give yourself an ultimatum.
You have to implement the things you want. A line in the sand, if you will. You have to stick to it. You are in control of your emotions and actions. I chose whether or not he could contact me on social media. If you need to block him from your feed, do it.
#3 Trust your friends.
If you’re in something toxic, think about how many times you’ve had to defend him to your friends? Too many. Listen, your friends know you better than you know yourself. If they’re saying he’s a bum, HE IS A BUM. If they’re saying he’s no good, HE’S NO GOOD. There is no way around it. When you leave your significant other, you will need to rely on your friends. Go out, have fun and take your mind off of things. Find the beauty in other people.
DON’T: Stay inside and think about him. Get off of Instagram. Unfollow him on Twitter.
DO: Go to the bar, get drunk and unwind. (responsibly)
If you’re given an opportunity to hangout with your friends, take it.
#4 Say your final goodbye.
“It’s never a right time to say goodbye” as Chris Brown would say. But, sometimes you have to do what’s best for you. I texted my goodbye to him (I know, stupid but I was worried that if I called him I would say something really hurtful, or even get conned into forgiving him). It was short, sweet and to the point. I regret it because it was a tad bit mean but, I said what I needed to. If you’re not able to say goodbye directly, honor the time and yourself by writing a letter and not sending it.
#5 BLOCK PARTY!
I don’t mean an actual block party. Just unfriend/block him on everything. It’s not mean, it’s for you’re mental health. As explained in the video below, YOU NEED TO WATCH IT, you will be your own worst nightmare. Stay away.
#6 Forget about them.
I tried to make myself busy. However, I often found myself listening to Coaster by Khalid; wallowing in my sadness. Breaking up with someone is tough and you deserve to be sad. As mentioned earlier, you need to occupy yourself with stuff that makes you happy. Paint a picture, go for a run, do whatever it is you love but didn’t have time to do while you were with them. Eventually, you’ll heal.